back to books

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

By:
Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD
Rating:

Personal Thoughts

Summary Notes

Four Components of NVC:

1. Observations

2. Feelings

3. Needs

4. Requests

From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation

Stage 1: In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others.

  • We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy.
  • If they don’t appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. 
  • This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.

Stage 2: In this stage, we become aware of the high costs of assuming responsibility for others’ feelings and trying to accommodate them at our own expense.

Stage 3: In the third stage, emotional liberation, we respond to the needs of others out of compassion, never out of fear, guilt, or shame.

Learn the Difference:

  • Distinguish feelings from thoughts.
  • Distinguish between what we feel and what we think we are.
  • Distinguish between what we feel and how we think others react or behave toward us.

  • It’s not what you do that counts, it’s the quality of your attention.
  • When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
  • The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation. When we combine observation with evaluation, others are apt to hear criticism and resist what we are saying. 
  • Judgments of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

By:
Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD
Rating:

Some other book notes you might like

Back to notes

Did You Enjoy This?

Then consider signing up for my Monday Medley newsletter. It's a collection of fascinating finds from my week, usually about psychology, technology, health, philosophy, and whatever else catches my interest. I also include new articles, book notes, and podcast episodes.

Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.